Janelle E. Wells, Ph.D., and Doreen MacAulay, Ph.D.
Our (In)visible Work
The strong, silent, stoic leader who suppresses their emotions may have ruled the Industrial Age; however, today’s workforce demands something different. In a recent workshop, our conversation turned to the need for emotional control and the invisible work that comes from regulation.
Leaders must regulate their emotions in real time. To read the room. To absorb tension. To respond thoughtfully rather than react instinctively. To carry anxiety without transferring it. To model calm, even when clarity is absent. This work is rarely named, rarely taught explicitly, and almost never acknowledged. Yet it is foundational to how trust, presence, and effectiveness are achieved.
As the workshop unfolded, the idea surfaced that emotional restraint does not mean emotional suppression.
Emotional Intelligence Is Not Emotional Suppression
Building on Daniel Goleman’s foundational work, emotional intelligence (EI) is typically defined by four quadrants: self-awareness, self-regulation, social awareness, and relationship management. While these may seem like all social skills, recent neurological research showcases that they are high-caliber cognitive functions. So, when leaders manage their emotions, the brain is performing complex internal functions:
- The amygdala is processing.
- The prefrontal cortex regulates and helps make logical decisions.
- The insula/singular cortex drives awareness and empathy.
And for those who are neurodivergent, emotional composure may take significantly more work for them to maintain. Recent EI scholars in the Cogent Social Sciences journal challenge the assumption that EI is a natural skill and effortlessly neutral for all people, and, thus, it is a matter of management, not suppression.
Self-regulation, in particular, has been misunderstood. It is often framed as simply “keeping your emotions in check.” Let’s make a clear distinction: Regulation is about choosing the most effective emotional response, not eliminating emotion altogether. That choice requires awareness. Leaders must notice what they are feeling, understand why they are feeling it, and determine how much of it belongs in the moment. That is not always instinctive work. It is cognitive, emotional, and relational labor.
The invisible cost merges when regulation becomes a one-way process. When leaders believe they must absorb without release. When frustration, disappointment, resentment, or fear are managed outwardly but never processed inwardly. Over time, this disconnection distorts decision-making, reduces empathy, and increases burnout.
Effective emotional regulation, therefore, requires two competencies:
- The ability to manage emotion in context
- The ability to release emotion safely and appropriately elsewhere
